Elizabeth Gilbert sits with Tim Ferriss to talk about the Celtic prayer of approach, two-way prayer, the stewardship of self — and why relaxation, not resilience, might be the real revolution.
“I bring an undefended heart to our meeting place. I will not negotiate by withholding, I am not subject to disappointment. I have no cherished outcome.”
“That poem and that spirit is the foundational agreement of all my friendships, and I say those words, ‘I have no cherished outcome,’ a lot to my friends.”
“Sometimes the only way you find out you had a cherished outcome is when you didn’t get it.” The hurt, the resentment, the feeling excluded — that’s the data.
“Almost the minute a relationship becomes romantic, I have a list as long as my arm of cherished outcomes.” Friendship is the easier classroom; love is the harder one.
“Write to yourself the words that you most wish that somebody would say to you.”
“Dear love, what would you have me know today?” Then put the pen down and listen. Most prayer is one-way; this practice is two-way.
“My love. My child. My sweetheart.” No improvement plan, no homework, no “but.” Whatever your inner critic would never call you — that’s the doorway.
Stop asking how you feel about yourself — that calls in every old verdict. Ask how you feel toward yourself. About hands the mic to your inner judge. Toward invites a friendly observer.
“What if it is just you writing to yourself from a kinder voice within you? Wouldn’t that be worthy enough to be slightly life-changing?”
“Martial artists know that the most relaxed person in conflict wins. Athletes, artists, actors — they all know it. Relaxation is where the flow happens.”
Stewardship over self — the same care a parent gives a child, turned inward. Honest “I” statements, no villains, no diagnoses. Not everybody’s entitled to have you in their life. The inbox test: the reason it’s been sitting there isn’t that you’re too busy — it’s that you don’t care.
Four or five things. That’s it. Everything else, including most of your inbox, falls under “I don’t care” — said without guilt, said as a fact.
A felt connection to something larger. Letters from love. Two-way prayer. Whatever quiets the part of you that thinks your output is the point.
Not a softer woman. A more dangerous one — because she’s no longer leaking force trying to be everything to everyone. Relaxed people don’t lose. They flow.
“When we’ve got something for you to do, you’ll be notified. Until then — rest.”
Elizabeth Gilbert — closing